it’s been a hard decision, to change my course of occupation and start to learn a new one. I have tried to learn graphic design before but thing did go so well. At that point in time I resonate with the profession more since the focus was on aesthetics and technology and less on anatomy drawing and using charcoal and such.

When I finished my studies, I started to look for a proper job (quite resiliently I must admit), and found out the horrible truth: office work, even as a graphic designer, is not for me. for many reasons: I felt the walls closing in on me. I hated the constant criticism from my employer. There was always strange deadlines. And many times I’ve been asked to do things that is not graphic design related, such as creating text with no prior explanations or doing the copy on my own with no preparations. I am not a genius copywriter, maybe a medium one.  

I wanted to find my own niche, yet in my location, there aren’t many possibilities besides being a freelancer or self-employed. without knowing what my niche is I didn’t find any motivation to be a freelancer or self-employed. 

Graphic design is a huge name for specific and different things and I don’t want to be all of them. So, I created a list of things that I was intrigued by. My main problem was the fact that graphic design is never enough, learning new things and trying new tools are necessary but the other thing is that, for me, time is always of the essence, I am a slow pace person and I love to take my time and dive in into things and research a lot before I do anything. Technology and design are fast changes kind of things and I’m always late. I don’t like that. 

Before I decided to learn graphic design, I was a content writer, these two fields are similar when it comes to finding a job/customer. you have to put yourself out there and create a great portfolio. while putting yourself out there means: being active on social media, making sure people around you know it’s your occupation, advertising, and promoting yourself online and offline (I found out that offline [real life] advertising is still a thing and it’s work sometimes better than online ads.) However, creating a great portfolio takes time that some (I) don’t have, which is why mentors often say to make two or three very well-done and hefty projects.

Yet each time I wake up late at noon and reach to my machine to work I lose my zest because working on my portfolio on my own is working without payment, it is working and thinking about the future hoping for a future-paying job. and I really need money now. Money gives me motivation. I like doing my niche graphic design things but it's not enough without recognition and money, which I don’t have because I am not good enough. It’s not self-doubt It’s a fact, all newcomers to a new profession are (mostly) not good enough without the proper experience, dipping your feet into an occupation requires confidence, boldness, and taking a leap of faith.

When changing the course of occupation and starting to learn a new one, I found there is a decline in motivation as time pass without fast recognition whether it’s finding a small gig, real job, or internship, having good feedback from teachers, or esteem people of the industry. Motivation is a major keyword when you want something, yet my motivation relays on outer sources and the flourishing of new graphic designers and AI prompt inputters newcomers I found things redundant and repetitive to boredom, and that's when I question my decision to be a graphic designer. When I feel a little better, after a good night's sleep and a nice cup of coffee I think that It might be the right time for anti-movement, anti-design, upper-stream possibilities to explore, sometimes being different is what the world needs.